I feel like I need to start this post with a disclaimer, so here it is: You all know that I’m all about sex tech. You know that I love new innovations that help people connect and have sex and get off and do all of the fun things that grownups enjoy doing together. However, while I used to just blindly champion any new sex tech that came on the market (it was a much smaller market back when I started doing this gig), I’m a bit more critical these days. With that said, I’m about to get real critical on a new toy called IZIVIBE.
IZIVIBE is a yet-to-be-released toy that turns your phone into a vibrator. While it claims to be the first to do that, I have to point out that a company called Closer ToGetHer actually did that, way back in the day. The difference between what they did, however, and what IZIVIBE is planning on doing seems to be that IZIVIBE is a dildo attachment for your phone, but I wasn’t into it then and I’m not into it now.
Here’s what they promise: seven vibration modes, including hands-free; customizable modes via their app; and couples play with Apple Watch and iPhone. They’ve also made their toy out of 100% medical-grade silicone, so it’s body safe and phthalate-free.
Which all sounds great! The only thing I object to about this is that they’ve taken two things that should be separate — your phone and your sex toys — and combined them into one thing. I’m all about app-controlled sex toys, but I’m so not about using your actual phone as a sex toy. I wasn’t when Closer ToGetHer did it and I’m still not into it with IZIVIBE.
Why the hate, you ask? Well, first of all, cell phones are filthy. I mean like, really, really filthy. We probably shouldn’t even be putting them near our faces, although we do that every day. I think it’s a terrible idea to put them near our genitals, which are porous and prone to infection anyway.
But speaking of filthy, let’s talk about what happens when we masturbate. And by “we,” I mean women in particular. Most of us get wet — and some of us get really wet — when we’re hot and bothered. While most sex toys are built to handle that, iPhones are not. Imagine what happens to your phone as your juices seep into all of of those little cracks. Not only will you mess up your very expensive piece of technology but the bacteria will grow like crazy in those dark crevices.
You sure you still want to put that thing next to your face? Yuck, yuck, yuck!
So IZIVIBE, I see what you’re trying to do and I commend you for it. If you’ve already created the app and the app-controlled attachment for the phone, you’ve done most of the work already! I’d like to suggest, though, as someone who has been writing about these things for a long time, that you develop a separate toy for your awesome new app. Like, on that can be boiled or, at the very least, wiped down easily. Detach it from the phone, please!
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